BR:M-TG ooo Introduction

ruthlogoIt is difficult to appreciate now, more than two thousand years later, exactly what the world-famous man-tank gladiator superstar George Joseph Herriman Ruth, more popularly known as “Babe1” Ruth meant to the people of what was then called the twenty-first century2. Back in the year minus 718 Sovereignty of KRG3 (or 2016 A.D.E., as it was known then4) people were repressed by ignorance, poverty, constant war, twitters5, and, though most of them didn’t yet know it, the machinations of the gGrt6.

Back in the Motorized Ages7 people did not have holomoashes, brainys, or any of the other forms of entertainment that we know and enjoy today. They had to make do with such primitive past-times as idiot boxes8, public executions, and, of course, sports such as football, handball, headball, and backball. But the most popular sport, the most popular entertainment, the most popular thing at the time, was the man-tank9 gladiatorial games. And the most popular man-tank gladiator at the time was Babe Ruth.

But the Babe was more than just a man who operated a man-tank. More than just a man who fought against other man-tank gladiators in fields, lots, arena, and stadia10 around the world. More than just a man who hobnobbed with moashy stars11, kings, and religious leaders12. More than just a sports celebrity. Babe Ruth was more, even, than just the greatest man-tank gladiator of all time. To people facing horrors such as the Cola Wars13, the Y-to-K virus14, and Realiteevy15, Babe Ruth was what they needed.

He was a hero.

And not just a hero. Babe Ruth was an everyman-turned-hero. He was, to use ancient vernacular, an ordinary cho. He wasn’t born rich, he wasn’t born royal or even noble, he had no cyberware or nano-enhancing. He was one of us. And any one of us could become him. And in the bleak days of life before the Coming of the One True God, KRG16, the world needed just such a hero.

People say that there are no heroes now. That may be true. If so, it’s unfortunate. We need a hero now to lead us against the gGrt17.

Some people say that there never were heroes. That the stories of Buffy the Empire Slayer, the Batman, the Man in the Grey Cloak, Bugs Bunny, Chuck Norris and Babe Ruth are all myths and legends, fictions and lies.

This I refuse to believe.

I believe heroes were real. Once.

That is why I’ve chosen to tell the story of Babe Ruth, and to tell it in the style of a twenty-first century web-serial18, complete with poor editing, missed updates and reader comments. Although many details have been lost in the Data Purges, the First and Second Retcons, and the mists of time, I have devoted much of my life to the laborious reconstruction of the world of the Motorized Ages, and, while I admit I may take a few liberties here and there to dramatize the narrative, I assert that this work is, by and large, as close to completely historically accurate as is possible in these times.

But, more importantly, I assert that this work is necessary in these times.

Ruth was a hero because he was needed.

I can only hope his story will help inspire someone reading it to be the hero we need.

Throckle No’Goor
Eleventh Initiate
Seventh Temple Of KRG And Her 12 Warrior Priests
Main Conclave
Ballmore, Land of KRG
Threesday, Sevensmonth (Friesday, Maprily 39)
1291 Sovereignty Of KRG (4025 A.D.E.)
All Hail KRG!

[1] The reason for the nickname has been lost. Some scholars believe Ruth had been the youngest man-tank gladiator in history. Others claim he was considered incredibly beautiful, and beautiful people were called babes. Another faction takes the opposite tack, saying Ruth was so ugly he resembled a pig. Babe was a popular name for pigs at that time. Return to 1

[2] The exact dates of Ruth’s birth and death were lost in the Data Purges, but I am fairly certain he was born in the late nineteenth to late twenty-first century. I have chosen to split the difference and have him born in the year minus 735 SOK (1999 A.D.E), thus making him 17 years old in minus 718 SOK (2016 A.D.E.). Although 17 may seem exceedingly young to our eyes, we must remember that the age of majority was 18, so technically Ruth was considered almost an adult. Ages listed here are merely for historical accuracy, and should not be considered an endorsement or a rejection of the current Public Request before the First Initiate to lower the age of majority to 27. Return to 2

[3] All Hail KRG! Return to 3

[4] The ancients did not use the modern calendar, of course. Their calendar had terms such as Thursday, October 21 and Friesday, Maprily 39. The modern system is used here for clarity, though I will also place the ancient date next to the modern one, for perspective. Return to 4

[5] Twitters were roving gangs, up to one hundred and forty members (or characters) each, that would maliciously rob people of their time. Return to 5

[6] May they be forever damned! Return to 6

[7] The Motorized Ages are considered to be the years from minus 953 SOK (1781 A.D.E) to minus 489 SOK (2245 A.D.E). These dates should not be considered exact. More importantly, the people of the time themselves would rarely, if ever, use the the term, preferring “Modern Times,” “Atomic Age,” or “Disco Days”. Return to 7

[8] A form of low-tech pacifiers. Return to 8

[9] Although there are reasons to believe that the man-tank had not been invented until minus 559 SOK (2175 A.D.E), and not used by civilians until minus 535 SOK (2199 A.D.E.), they must have been around much sooner. After all, obviously Ruth couldn’t have operated a man-tank if there had been no man-tanks to operate. Return to 9

[10] An arenum was an ancient sporting amphitheater with a seating capacity of 10,000 to 50,000. A stadium was an ancient sporting amphitheater with a seating capacity of 50,000 to 200,000. Megamphitheaters with 200,000+ capacity were beyond the technology available. Return to 10

[11] A moashy star was someone famous for appearing in moashies, or motion images. A moashy was sort of like a flat holomoash. Return to 11

[12] In those benighted days before the coming of KRG (all hail KRG!), obviously these religious leaders could only have been pretenders and fakes. But this should in no way diminish the importance they played in the Motorized Ages society. The best way to think of it is as the equivalent of meeting high-level Initiates, Fourth or higher, including possibly the First Initiate, today. Return to 12

[13] One of the worst conflicts of the Motorized Ages, spanning decades, involving most of the civilized world, and costing millions of lives. Return to 13

[14] A horrific and highly contagious disease. Symptoms include loss of memory, loss of motor control, and difficulty in performing basic functions. Many feared the Y-to-K virus would wipe out the entire planet. Return to 14

[15] Nobody today actually knows what this was, but judging from the few remaining accounts of the times, it must have been quite terrible. We do know that in many instances an entire tribe would be eliminated, leaving only one survivor. Return to 15

[16] All Hail KRG! Return to 16

[17] May they be forever damned! Return to 17

[18] The web was an ancient communication medium where trolls, memes, and sock puppets would proclaim their affiliations and loyalties. A web-serial was a series of sermons delivered via the web. Return to 18

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